Are you in control of your own life?
About few months back, I was going through a phase which was pretty hard to explain!
I was constantly trying to find my motivation in life. Every day I would get up and try to do something which could add value to my existing life. I was doing hard work but it was not letting me go near my goals. I was constantly making efforts to see them coming down to ground zero. I was thinking to myself what is it that I am doing wrong and then it struck me:
Am I in control of my own life?
My need to please other people is controlling me?
I am constantly struggling in finding answer about that. Sometimes I do things just because I know that would create good impression of me on others.
More often we are so much indulged in impressing people around us that we lose control of things that we do. I am trying hard to become an entrepreneur for a long time and haven’t done anything substantial yet. Why is that? Am I not capable of it or am I not giving my 100% to it?
I gave very hard thought on this and realized I have been trying way too hard to impress everyone else.
- I was constantly trying to impress my own dad by working extra hour (even when I didn’t have to) so that he thinks I am working hard and not wasting my time.
- I couldn’t say to “NO” to him when I wanted to, because I thought he would not feel good about me speaking against him.
- I always try to act in way the other people want me to, just so that I could mix with them
- I would agree to almost everything a more experienced person had to say because I think he might be right with all those experience and would not follow my gut feelings.
All these things had left me strangled and I couldn’t keep up with my goals and decisions.
Is this the way it should be?
I have not been in control of my life and I am paying for it by wasting every second of my day. You should always be in control over your life.
Don’t try to impress everyone. You cannot keep everyone happy while you are carving your path to success. People are bound to get hurt in this process and it is price you pay if you really want to make your life worth.
As Jocelyn Murray says –
“If you are busy pleasing everyone, you are not being true to yourself.”
At last it was too much for me to handle. My reflection in mirror would look like someone else and not me. I decided to stop giving control of my life to other. It was not easy but breaking down into step helped me in overcoming it to a great extent.
- Be mentally strong You have to be mentally strong to face people who will try to control you. Be very clear about what you want to do and why you think this is the right decision. Think about everyone, but never let anyone’s thought affect your action. You need to learn to keep control of your life in your hand.
- Don’t doubt yourself and keep the control You are the best version of yourself. Be fearless about making a mistake. It would help you grow and experience better things. Making mistake is acceptable rather than giving control of your life to others. If you want to do something do it right now, do not think about what everyone else would do in such situation. Make your own path.
- Keep patience and ask yourself questions If anyone is pushing you to make decision as per their opinions, one way to make it easier is to examine it and ask question to yourself and analyze the situation. We often pursue harmful behaviors and beliefs because we believe they offer us something. In reality, they drain us of time and energy.
- Don’t try to please anyone Constantly trying to please others is exhausting, particularly when it leads you to live a life based on what you think you should do rather than what you want to do. People will always try to make you do things which please them. There is no way you can control the behavior of others, but one thing you can do is – Control your own behavior and thoughts.
- Reinvent yourself Giving up people-pleasing is challenging. It can seem overwhelming. So try to cultivate new thoughts. What is one small thing you can do take yourself away from people pleasing and actually do what you really want!
Imagine not having to constantly adjust who you are to please others.
Imagine feeling more confident in expressing who you are.
Start with step one. It doesn’t mean you have to give up doing things for others. It does mean giving up a toxic habit.
Adjust less to others. Listen more to yourself.